Man having a child....

America... Oprah... What the shit is wrong with you?

Did you not see Junior or something? If you haven't, please allow me to remind you. This was fiction. Fiction because men cannot have babies.

Before you informationauts correct me - I realize that the placenta has the ability to attach itself to any organ, not just the womb. And therefore it is theoretically possible for a man to grow a baby within his body cavity. Now... Please keep in mind that men do not have ovaries. If you're a man and you have ovaries you're a genetic mistake - and thus you are a hermaphrodite, not a man. This sounds a lot less entertaining than the sensational headlines that are slapping us in the face everywhere we look right now.

If you're not following me, please open a tab and hit news.google.com. For those who use IE6, or are just too lazy, here is one of the many stories.

To sum it up for those who can't even click a link: There is a "man" here in Oregon who's having a baby. The man in question is actually a transgender female who never had his girl-parts scooped out. Instead, opting for the chest-removal and hormone therapy. Before I go any further, let me say that I think what he's doing for his family has its roots in nobility. As for the probable social confusion this child is destined for, I choose not to comment. I'll leave that to my reader(s). Now back to the story. This man was artificially inseminated because his wife is infertile.

The problem I have is not with the fact that this man is growing crotchfruit, but that the news is buzzing like flies on shit with silly headlines. Who wouldn't turn on the tube to see something only tackled by Arnold on the big screen. I mean... if I saw something like, "Amnesiac discovers alien remnants on Mars, brings down mining operation." Hell yes! I would turn on the news to see what the hell they're talking about - only because I've seen Total Recall and I can't believe it. I just fear that most people would expect a journalistic account of mutants on the red planet; immediately forgetting that we've never stepped foot on Mars (eff off Bay).

I suppose the reason this bothers me so much is that American news is crap. Complete, utter, crap. Oprah, shame on you. A proper headline would be, "Transgender woman pregnant." It's not as neck-snapping, and it won't get the viewers, but at least it's true. True just doesn't hold as much meaning as it once did.

To the family, and especially the child: Best wishes.